Days with ‘nothing’ to do

There are long stretches in my day that are not filled work-wise. I do not have the calmness required to read a book, and I feel quite jumpy. If I knew that I would not get the third contract, I would hopefully go after every possible project; but I don’t do this – so we have lethargy.

This blog helps, and I also read articles from the various professional forums. But this is not enough. Yesterday my son came to me with a great idea for a new website, so I am now researching the idea and writing up a brief description. That gives me more interest, but I see myself falling into a pit. I had a friend at work, who I shared a room with, and he was let go a year before me. We talk on the phone and occasionally meet and he is always cheerful. The last time we met, he was at the office to pitch a workshop he wanted to hold (and did after I left). This was after I knew that I was leaving. He whispered to me that it isn’t easy going it alone, that there are times when he is down, and then he forces himself to be cheerful and positive about the future. I think I am at that point. I feel ‘teary’ and it really isn’t justified.

I need to make lists of everything I wanted to do while I wasn’t busy – such as to sort out all the books in our library, throw out old clothes from the wardrobes, plan the future renovation of the apartment (on hold until our cat passes away); what else? Originally I kept waiting for cooler weather, so it would be easier; but here we are at the end of November and the weather is still hot. So I think I need to be bold and settle for perspiring. I also need to go on those small trips I keep talking about.

In addition, I need to shrug off the custom that we can only go to visit people at the weekend or evening; or indeed go on small trips. So this afternoon we are going to visit family who live quite far away. I also plan to go on a walking trip around Jaffa soon.

My son (the other one) has stated that this all down to worrying too much over things beyond my control. “Worry not, lest ye be worried,” is his advice.